


Justice League Up In Smoke

by Triblast28



Category: Aquaman - All Media Types, Batman - All Media Types, Justice League - All Media Types, Superman - All Media Types, The Flash - All Media Types, Wonder Woman - All Media Types
Genre: #crackfic, #drug mention, #the shipping stuff is only mentioned, #this is stupid, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 15:33:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10993815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Triblast28/pseuds/Triblast28
Summary: Arthur walks in on a high Justice League after a work related accident (this is a crackfic)





	Justice League Up In Smoke

Arthur groaned both internally and externally as he exited the Watchtower’s teleporter. Everywhere he went it seemed like he was plagued by meetings, on the surface world everyone and their mothers wanted him to attend the last UN fiasco, in Atlantis he was bickered at from all sides by a council of old traditionalist that is planning a coupe every time he turns his back, not even in space he could escape the meetings. The cost of being a king he mused as he walked down the winding hallways. Suddenly he heard the sound of sobbing, confused by this Arthur followed the sound until he found Barry collapsed on the ground crying with a panicked expression on his face. Arthur hesitantly approached Barry unsure to do, they were just work friends he had no clue how to deal with the emotional speedster.  
“Barry?” Arthur said weakly slightly hoping he wouldn’t notice him.  
“Arthur!” Barry yelled surprised as he looked up.  
“What’s wrong...buddy,” Arthur asked with a half-hearted smile.  
“I can’t move my legs,” Barry admitted depressed. “I forgot to walk,” He whispered traumatically.  
“You forgot to what?” Arthur asked confused as he squatted down.  
“I forgot to walk!” Barry yelled dramatically. “What am I going to do? Will I crawl around to fight crime, I can’t crawl and punch Captain Cold or Captain Boomerang or Captain Trickster or Captain Zoom!” Barry cried as he flailed his arms at super speed.  
Arthur leapt back falling on his butt nearly escaping the wild swings. “Barry! What the hell man!” Arthur yelled surprised. Arthur noticed that Barry’s eyes were unusually red and his pupils were dilated, Arthur’s eyes widened worried as he quickly leaned forward and took a sniff of Barry he instantly recognized the skunky smell. “Oh God this is just like when I intercepted that ship from Jamaica,” Arthur remarked stunned.  
“What am I going to do Art, I can’t do anything without my legs,” Barry groaned as he laid his head on the ground.  
“Barry did you inhale something strange lately?” Arthur asked carefully and holding his hands up in a defensive way.  
“Well Bruce was investigating some weird gas bomb he brought from the cave and it...it went off and like we were all in it’s cloud, we weren’t dead so I thought we were fine,” Barry told him calming down while having trouble remembering what exactly happened.  
Arthur let a terrified internal screech, he took a deep breath and looked at Barry with an unease stare. “Barry...I think...you might, got,” Arthur inhaled sharply before quietly uttering. “High.”  
Barry let out a high pitched scream. “I can’t get high I’m a police officer!” Barry started to cry once again.  
“Barry calm down, worse case scenario you’ll be like this for eight hours,” Arthur told him, which was rather a pitiful attempt to calm him panicking co-worker.  
“Arthur, I’m going to need your pee, that’s how I’ll cheat the system and keep my job,” Barry exclaimed amazed.  
“What I’m not going to give you my pee!” Arthur shouted embarrassed.  
“It’ll w…” Barry started to say before he looked at his hand which was flailing at super speed. “ Oh whoa dude, look at how slow I’m going.”  
“It looks like you’re going the exact same speed as normal,” Arthur stated confused.  
“I’m so sloooooooowwwwwww,” Barry babbled as he waved his hands around still at top speed.  
“Look Barry, I’m going to find the rest of our friends before they end up sinking Australia or something, I’ll come back for you later,” Arthur said as he quickly ran off.  
Arthur ran half way through the watchtower panicked. This wasn’t the first time this had happened to him, the last time was a lot more simpler all he had to deal with was a couple of Atlantean soldiers and Murk, not the whole entire Justice League. He couldn’t believe how damage could be done by a high uncontrollable Justice League, the last thing he would need is Superman flying to a 7/11 to get snacks or Batman getting pulled over by the police. Just as he was running past the kitchen he saw a familiar chrome rear pointing outwards. Worried by the brief glimpse of what could be a metal posterior Arthur slowly backtracked and saw Victor seemingly trapped in the fridge. His head and upper part of his chest along with his right arm was solidly lodged between the racks in the fridge, his left arm was whipping around wildly and there was a stream of grunts and swears.  
“Where the fuck is it,” Victor complained bitterly before pushing himself deeper.  
“Vic what are you doing?” Arthur asked confused.  
“Looking for some potato chips,” Victor told him nonchalantly.  
“Why were you looking for potato chips in the fridge?” Arthur asked annoyed as he pinched the bridge of his nose.  
“Well you see I was craving a cool chip and I thought this was the place to find it,” Victor admitted casually while shrugging his shoulders.  
“A cool chip, you got stuck in the fridge because you wanted a cool chip!” Arthur shouted dumbstruck.  
“Yeah man you haven’t lived until you’ve had a cool chip once I find my cool chips I’ll make you some cool chips,” Victor told him slightly dazed.  
“You aren’t making anything, you’re just putting a bag of chips in the fridge!” Arthur growled with a sigh.  
“Man why do you keep dissing the cool chip, the cool chip didn’t do anything wrong to you, it didn’t kill your dad or send your mom to a prehistoric magical land, the cool chip just wants to give you it’s fresh salty taste,” Victor explained spacing out.  
Arthur glared at Victor (at least his rear) and his face contorted in a venomous scowl. He didn’t even attempt to rescue Victor from his mildly cold trap as he stormed off. Arthur’s famed bullshit tolerance and patience wasn’t going to put up with the Justice League’s shenanigans, he could barely deal with them when they were high. As much as he would’ve liked to say fuck them and go to the teleporter he knew he wasn’t that type of person and he still appreciated their friendship at the end of the day. Though he wish they would show it more often. As Arthur walked down the hall he heard a high pitched voice speaking Japanese from the rec room.  
Slowly Arthur approached the open doors of the rec room, he peaked past the door frame and what he saw he couldn’t believe. Bruce was sitting in Diana’s lap with his cowl down, Diana was making small braids and ponytails as they were both watching Sailor Moon. Both looked the calmest Arthur has ever seen.  
“Bro,” Diana said getting Bruce’s attention. “We should like dye our hair to match.”  
“But dude, our hair is like already the same color,” Bruce remarked confused.  
“Shhh bro, we’ll get like awesome colors like blue or red or arsenic,” Diana told him awestruck by the idea.  
“Diana look look it’s Tuxedo Mask,” Bruce pointed to the screen amazed.  
“Bro you should you should finally get a girlfriend and I’ll like get Barbara Ann and you and your girlfriend can go as Tuxedo Mask and Sailor Moon and me and Barbara could go as Sailor Neptune and Uranus,” Diana decided happily.  
“But it’s so hard to find someone who will date me, someone that isn’t a furry or super into leather,” Bruce groaned with a shudder.  
“I know, like everyone thinks I’m super into bondage because of the lasso, but I’m not, like I haven’t done it with Barbara yet because like what if she asks me to bring it into bed, like I don’t want that,” Diana admitted with a frown.  
“Diana you’re awesome, you worked hard to get with her and you two are great together, you two should bone hard and then marry the piss out of each other, I’ll give you away at the wedding and pay for it,” Bruce mused distantly.  
“I hope you find someone Bruce,” Diana said as she patted him on the head.  
“Thanks bro,” Bruce muttered slightly touched.  
“Maybe it’s good for Bruce...he is super high strung,” Arthur whispered to himself morally conflicted as he walked past the rec room leaving the two to their chill session.  
As Arthur thought over his decision he once again heard the sound of crying. He dreaded the thought that he accidentally looped around the facility and returned to Barry, but this time the location was different. He looked over at the men’s bathroom and entered, lying on the hopefully clean floors was Clark.  
“Ma’s spirit is going to be so mad at me, I got high, what kind of parent am I,” Clark sobbed emotionally destroyed.  
“Clark?” Arthur called worried.  
“I’m so terrible, no wonder everyone hates me! I’m the scum of space that was left on Earth’s lawn!” Clark bellowed depressed.  
“Clark,” Arthur attempted again starting to lean down.  
“A guy like me doesn’t deserve anything good in life, I should just fly away, bye bye Clark no one will miss you, you high flier!” Clark shouted starting to curl up into a ball.  
Suddenly Arthur slapped Clark across the face. “What the hell man!” Arthur shouted as he grabbed Clark by the collar of his costume.  
“Sorry it’s just that drugs are so bad and I’m Superman and I can’t get high and get on drugs it’s so bad,” Clark stuttered still panicked.  
“Clark it was an accident calm down, how about you go to the rec room Bruce and Diana will probably give you a hug,” Arthur told him with a weak smile.  
“I like hugs,” Clark chimed in as he stopped crying.  
“Yeah you do buddy, hey where are the Green Lanterns?” Arthur asked softly.  
“They went to get McDonald's,” Clark told him casually.  
(Meanwhile on Earth)  
A muscle car manifested from the will power of Simon Baz pulled up to the drive through menu. Simon stared at the menu stoned out of his mind, he could barely read the menu. In the passenger seat was Jessica who was curled up in a ball sleepily holding a fat pikachu plushie she made with her ring.  
“What can I get you sir?” The drive through attendant asked through speakers.  
“Can I get uuhhhhhh fuck ummmm uhhhh,” Simon groaned confused.  
“What sir was that sir?” The drive through attendant asked slightly loud.  
“Shhhhh,” Jessica hissed from his seat.  
“Wha-,” The drive through attendant started to ask.  
“Shhh, shhh, shhh,” Simon said as he held a finger up to the speaker. “She’s sleeping we gotta whisper,” He told the speaker dazed. “Now can I get uuhhhhh fuck ummmm uhhhh,” He whispered still confused.

**Author's Note:**

> This came to me in a weird dream. So blame that, anyways here is the link to my tumblr: https://triblast28.tumblr.com/


End file.
